5 months to go . . .

And that totally is freaking me out. I was talking at work yesterday about priorities for the next few months and thinking about what I want to get done before the baby comes . . . in 5 months.

5 months isn’t even half a year.

5 months ago I was using my air-conditioner instead of the furnace (okay, so that analogy makes me think that 5 months is a really long time ago, but you get the picture).

5 months ago I wasn’t pregnant.

And 5 months from now I most likely won’t be either (or I’ll be screaming at the doctor to get it out!).

I feel like my pregnancy and baby activities have been in slow-motion so far though, as I've floated around blissfully happy and feeling so special since I was pregnant. But now it’s hitting me that my life over the next few months is going to speed up drastically. Both at work and at home there are so many changes to prepare for. And the list of things to do keeps getting longer. Some things that we’ve been putting off and could have had done long ago and frustrate me that I didn’t do sooner (bad Jon and Missy) -- the office needs to be cleaned, the closets re-organized (why did I move into a house with only one closet for hanging dresses?! Naturally in the baby’s room too!), the basement cleaned and organized so we can move the junk, err stuff, currently residing in the baby’s room down there, the taxes done, the finances checked and double-checked to make sure that yes, indeed, we won’t lose our house if I work part-time, etc. etc. And why do I have so many old magazines saved? Who needs this many candles and body soap? My pack-rat behavior defies explanation.

Then comes the actual baby stuff -- we have to pick out cribs and baby furniture and paint and bedding and a stroller and car seat, and all this stuff is so confusing (why do we legally allow a company to make basically one stroller but package it under different names and in 12 variations of fabrics and options which serves no purpose but to daze and confuse expecting parents so that they shell out more money to have the "super-deluxe, will guarantee perfect SAT scores stroller"?!). . . AHHH!

My life is accelerating over the next few months, and it scares me. Thinking about not being the same-old happy and silly Jon and Missy couple scares me. Thinking about breast-feeding scares me. Thinking about sleeping through the night while our baby cries scares me (I know they say that the mommy instinct kicks in, but what if it doesn't?). Thinking about not being perfectly in control and on-top of everything scares me (if you're psychoanalyzing me, this would be the big issue). My magically re-configuring body scares me (I’ve managed to lose my waist completely now, and if I re-gain the 40 pounds I just spent two years losing I'm going to lock myself in my bathroom and not come out). Being responsible for another life scares me. Having our families think I'm a bad mother scares me. Something happening to our baby or to Jon doesn't scare me -- it terrifies me. And even though I know all the changes to relationships and houses and jobs and my own personal issues will be worthwhile the instant Jon and I hold the little life that God has given us, right now all these changes and to-do lists still scare me. And I'm guessing that some of these feelings and insecurities will only get worse since . . . I still have 5 months to go.