33

Well, as of yesterday I'm 33. Since, for the last few months I thought I was turning 34, this feels like kind of a bonus age to me. I'm younger than I thought, woo hoo!

As I've been talking about being 33 the thought has been pricking my consciousness over and over again, quickly, fleetingly . . . Jesus was only 33 when he died. Then the thought is gone, the significance fades, the moment of "wow" is over.

But Mom has the kids this morning, I've got a cup of coffee in my new, personalized travel mug courtesy of Jon for my birthday (it's cool looking, yep), and I've been spending more time thinking about that.

33. To think of having my life end NOW? But I've barely started living! There's so much I want to do, to see, to accomplish. I can't imagine having to leave my family, friends now . . . at 33.

Yet, Jesus CHOSE to give his life, at only 33. For me . . . for you. He didn't have to, it certainly wasn't fair that he take punishment for things he hadn't even done, yet he chose to become a man, chose to become the sacrifice we need, chose to be separated from God so we don't have to be. Wow.  At 33.

Jesus accomplished all the goals for his earthly existence, he did what he needed and wanted to do.  In his time, in God's time.  And at 33.  

As we've been studying John in BSF, and James in our small group, I've been hit over and over with my selfishness. I don't have the inner core of joy because I choose to let my selfishness rob it from me. Every time I get miffed over silly things - Eli didn't listen (he's 4!), Matea took everything out of the pantry AGAIN, Jon is a few minutes later for dinner, things didn't go exactly as I wanted them to - it's MY selfishness withdrawing from my well of joy and peace. Jesus and I are having a lot in common the last few weeks - we're both choosing me.  A lot. But Jesus taught sacrifice, denial, loving others first, letting God's Spirit move you, guide you, lead you, to become new, not stuck in the old self and selfishness.

Jesus chose me at 33, so, at 33, I'm choosing him all over again. I want to get rid of the me and let it be all him. I want his joy, his peace, his love, his compassion to be flowing in me again. A stream that is pure and not polluted by my selfishness. Jesus gave EVERYTHING he had at the time he was my age. At 33. Wow.  I think I'll stay in that moment a little longer.